Yes. Hello? (kh. kh. kh.) Is this thing on?
(skweeeee) Oh. That's better. ahem.
Lo, what problems?
I am technical supporting again. What a sad profession.
Imagine if you will, 30 to 45 people per day dressed in flowing rags, lined
up outside of a tent. The wind blows across the hot desert dunes
and blasts sand into all possible contours, folds, and crevices.
They stand, hunkered over by the weight of their cpu and monitor that they
shield from the elements under their garments. From within the tent
exits one of their own. Her dirty face is furrowed with tear trails.
As her vision clears she takes in the looks of despairing query worn on
the faces of those in line. She realizes she was as terrified as
they before her awakening. In an attempt to ease their suffering
she flashes a radiant smile of unsullied joy, but they are blinded by sun,
sand, sorrow and confusion and see not but their problems.
"Ma'am?" questions a deep, sensual voice. She looks up
and sees a masked rider on horseback. He is shirtless. Every
muscle group spells the word "perfection" from build, tone and shape.
"If everything is all right," he continues in a slight Spanish accent,
"then there is online shopping and chat rooms requiring your immediate
presence."
"Oh," she says and reaches up to take the hand extended to her.
With but one swift movement, she is mounted upon the great steed.
One glance back and one "Yaa!" later finds her riding across the electronic
desert with Bill Gates's ego upon his great stud, Windows.
The tent's flap parts and a voice directed at the next in line
says, "Technical support, my name is Richard. How are you today?"
Tentatively, the next in line moves forward to enter, "I've only owned
a computer for 8 years so you gotta understand I'm a computer illiterate
complete know nothing novice so don't get frustrated when I can't find
the start button or ask you what mouse button to click every time you ask
me to click on something because you should just be pleased that I'm capable
of doing these things at all after such a short time of using a computer."
That's roughly what tech. support is like. Any other mysterious,
astrological, tea leaf reading implications you impose upon the power of
the techies is all your own doing. True, I do turn your large plastic,
glass and metal shit heap into a functioning tool capable of international
commerce and porno peeking but it ain't exactly alchemy.
I'm looking forward to guests. My roommates mother is
on her way. After that, my girlfriend parents. A week from
now, semi-permanent residency will be set up for a visitor from Oakland
and since all this is occurring at roughly the same time, my guess is that
I'll be seeing a deluge of Wisconsinites in no time. They're welcomed
of course. There's enough room here for 15 to twenty people.
I'm not saying there'd be much along the lines of anything resembling privacy
but it wouldn't be anymore crowded than say, my first place in Madison
or my old place in Hollywood. With that said, please, no more than
five at a time. Please.
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