This page is chock full of profanity. Or at least I think it will be. How the fuck should I fucking know when I haven't written the fucker yet? O.K., my suspicions have proven to be correct. Chock full of profanity today's column will be.

"Today's column?" That brings up an interesting point. I have the words on these pages lined up in a column, but is this a column? If it is a column, then does that make me a columnist? I do not feel like a columnist, sitting here at a computer that is not mine, in a house where I do not live, without a job, nor do I desire to be a columnist. O.k., this is all unduly dull. How about more profanity fuckers?

Don't be offended. If you fuck, then you are a fucker, fucker. If you do not fuck, then ask yourself,"Why the fuck not?"

Question for those who do not fuck: Do you want to be a fucker?

Question for fuckers: Do you fuck for fuck's sake or just for the fuck of it?

For those who do not engage in coitus and answered in the affirmative to their question, you do have a choice; there are many ways to remedy your fucker status. Don't ask me how though, please. I may or may not be a columnist just because I write a column, but one thing I am not for sure is an advice columnist. The clueless should not give advice. That's a self-evident truth most dumb-fucks out there just don't see. Most people's advice is nothing more than the externalization of their psychosis as projected upon you. Do you have a problem? You will if you follow the advice of all the fuckers out there.

All right. I'm sick of that damn word now, "fuck," and all its conjugations, as well as its noun form, adj. form, adv. form, exclamatory use, and even as it is used as a conjunction. No more about it. I'm externalizing my job-hunt anxiety. That begs the question: why am I wasting my time typing this when there's a job fair going on out by LAX?

Next

Here's a link for all you fuckers out there. Once you are there, hit the reload button on your browser after a few seconds and think about it.