WAR!!!
The war against the subterranean beasts of my back yard has begun, marking
an end to the previous war against the subterranean beasts in my head.
These furry little Morlocks have no right sneaking about and devouring
the succulent leaves and stems of my tomato, cucumber, bean and pumpkin
plants. With the aid of an ordinary garden hose and empty 39 ounce
red tin of Folger's classic roast, I flooded the little bastard out of
his underground abode and caught him in the tin. Killing the wretched
wet and shaking critter seemed to cruel, so instead Kirsten and I took
him for a drive in the SUV. I played some Husker Du for the
unctuous fella and then once we found a suitable spot I released him under
loudly buzzing power lines so he could begin his new life. I know
there's more than one of these tunneling rats. I've seen at least
one additional gopher poke his black beady eyes up out of a hole and survey
my garden. They think they're pretty smooth with their labyrinthine
network of tunnels right beneath my feet, but I'll show them. The
next little fuck may have to be an example to all the others. I'll
put his cute eensy-weensy gopher's head on a stick in the garden, and jam
his decapitated body back down one of their communal holes. I think
the message will be sounded loud and with perfect clarity of significance.
I've already began an arms race, adding a steel pole and brick to my arsenal
of the Folger's can and rubber garden hose. No mercy. They
started it. They're just lucky they're not moles because I can't
stand those ugly blind shits. No relocation for a mole, just pummeling
to a dull squishy permanganate ooze. Onward to other news...
The script is coming along nicely and ought to be done within
two weeks. Plans to visit Wisconsin in July are still intact, but
I'll need more extra work and No Cover work before my finances are shapely
enough to support the sojourn. The ax of financial annihilation hangs
over my head, and sometimes it seems I just don't know how to save a damn
cent. The world of Los Angeles isn't prone to giving up much along
the lines of free entertainment. Good thing one of my hobbies is
ceaseless writing. Okay, the word "ceaseless" isn't exactly true.
Case in point right now.
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